Thank You for My Present!

I sat for a while trying to come up with a title for this entry, something that would pique everyone's interest and they'd read it and they'd comment (or not) but they'd know where I was right now, and maybe even be inspired to look at themselves or just be nice to someone else cuz you never know where they are or what they're going through. But you know what, now as I sit here typing I've realized that this is an expression of my excitement for myself and those who really do care and for God!

Recently I've been really looking at where I am in my life and you know what, I'm SO blessed. Just one year ago at this date I was in a really different place - emotionally and physically. My heart was broken, I was about to have surgery, I'd just started my thesis so I was CRAZY stressed and I was praying a lot, but not the way I am now. Not to mention the sorority stuff I was dealing with! I was overwhelmed and swamped and I didn't even have time to really process where I was with myself. I was basically taking things as they came. I was a firefighter, taking out emergencies as they arose and not doing much else. I wasn't really happy, too busy to be sad. I was a mess.

Today I sit here so filled with joy! Just the thought of what I've come through makes me smile. I decided last year that some of the stuff I missed out on while I was under my cloud I would try to do this year. First thing, I went to the Lake Tahoe with my church and it was FABULOUS! I had so much fun. I met so many people! It still hadn't really dawned on me to take my look back and assess myself though (I like to do that every now and then), but I was so grateful I got to go. Then I was talking to a friend about just whatever. Some of the things that came up sparked my memory to the emotions I felt at that time and some of the things I've come through and I realized how far away from that I was. Then the other day I noticed the date. It was almost 10/10. That's the date I had surgery last year. I'll just say emotionally that was a trial for me. It wasn't a smooth, cut and dry situation and it actually gained more significance for me than I would have expected. Not to get into all of that, but you never know how things will affect you.

Anyway, some of the things I missed out on because of my surgery are coming around this year and I'm so excited to go and participate. To just be out there without concern or restriction. Realizing this made me so much more cognizant of how different my life is right now, today. And it's not anything I did for myself. I give all the credit to whom it is due - God. Life gets scary and difficult and He gets us through it all. I'm so much stronger in Christ, in my physical body, in my mental and emotional self. I'm inspired to do so much more for myself and others. I can't help but smile when I think about it. This week I'm determined to be out and about. I'm going to a play, a sorority meeting, a football game and tailgate (maybe a couple), a concert and whatever else I can find to do. You're welcomed to come with me. But even if nobody does, I'm celebrating this weekend.

To all you who've prayed for me, dealt with my moodiness, cheered me on, cheered me up, or just happened to be friendly and didn't think anything of it - THANK YOU!!! You never know what someone needs, you never know where they are. I'm not one who puts my feelings out there, especially when I'm down. That's just the way I am. But you were there and helped me get through it, even though you didn't know. Or maybe you did.

Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is a mystery.
Today is a gift. That's why it is called the present.

Lookin For Trouble (Part II)

It had been a few days and I still hadn't heard from Trouble, which kind of bothered me. Maybe his phone was turned off again or maybe he found himself some trouble. Nah... he was too smart for that. Besides, if he'd really gotten into anything or something was really wrong he'd get word to me. I was sure of that. Maybe, after all this time he'd actually felt a sense of shame for what he'd done. Lord knows he'd done enough dirt in his life for it to finally get to his conscience. The thing is he always says he loves me. I know it's true. The problem is he doesn't know what to do after that. I'm a different kind of woman than what he's used to. I have my own place, my own car and my own money so I'm not impressed by his. Truth be told I have a bit more than him so I think he sometimes wonders what it is I see in him that makes me bother at all. Sometimes I wonder too. I think it's the easy comfortableness when he's around. He's not bad looking either - 6'4 with chocolate brown skin and hazel eyes... And fire. Gotta be careful with fire like that though because it burns.

But even still, I knew better than to go out looking for Trouble. He always came to find me. That's how things worked. His world was totally different than mine, but they always managed to intersect at different points. It didn't take long and didn't catch me too much off guard when the knock on my door came from him. Standing on the other side, he smiled a mile wide when I opened the door. "Hey Sweetheart," he drawled in that slow Texas way. "Good morning, " I said, standing there looking up at him with an eye of inspection and condemnation, my hand on my hip for emphasis.

"I'm sorry," he started, "can we talk about this inside?"

I hesitated for a moment, even though we both knew I was going to let him in. Standing there I watched for his eyes to change, to indicate he knew I was serious and he was too. "Sweetheart I'm really sorry, " he said again. I moved to let him in.

"Have you had breakfast yet?" he asked as he moved towards my kitchen. I replied that I hadn't, following him with my arms folded across my chest, annoyed that he was going to try and distract us from the conversation we needed to have. I watched as he pulled out skillets and pots. He was so comfortable there in my house. I couldn't believe his confidence. Or maybe it was arrogance. It was time I called a spade a spade. As he stood whipping up scrambled eggs I started in, "Where have you been Trouble?"

"Babe can we do this later? Like after we eat?"

"Trouble..."

He interrupted, "Baby look, I know you're hungry. I am too. We will talk about this, I promise you." I just stared at him, wondering why I was gonna let him win this. But I was hungry and he was already cooking. I sighed in resignation and he added, "besides, you'll argue better on a full stomach." Then he winked at me and I couldn't help but shake my head and smile. I walked away to let him finish cooking and went back to what I was doing before he decided to show up.